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His speeches to an hour-glass
Do some resemblance show
Because the longer time they run
The shallower they grow.
— Unknown wise person
Sample Free Retirement Speech #1
To Be Given to a Retiring Employee
A warm welcome to everyone here tonight who has come to celebrate
Jack Wilson's retirement. Although this is a special occasion for
Jack, a number of us — including me — have mixed emotions about it.
It’s hard for me to be making this retirement speech and saying goodbye to
Jack — but at the same time I want to wish him well. This is why I purchased
a copy of the international bestseller How to Retire Happy, Wild,
and Free by Ernie Zelinski for Jack as his retirement gift. The subtitle
of the book is Retirement Wisdom That You Won't Get from Your Financial
Advisor.
This book may provide some ideas for Jack on how to enjoy leisure
time in his retirement years. He may need it given that he was such
a hard worker while he was employed here. In fact, the book may prove
to be much more important for creating an active, satisfying, and
happy retirement than how much money Jack has saved — and we all know
that Jack is a wizard with money and will not require any financial
advisor to ensure that he has enough money in his later years.
Above all, all of us are happy that Jack gets to enjoy not only his
leisure time but also the hard earned money that he acquired over
the years. Of course, those of us who have to work into our eighties
to acquire enough money to retire are green with envy of Jack.
Even so, we all want to thank Jack for all the great things that he accomplished here. Indeed, he helped put in place the very foundations that have made this organization such a success. This company, particularly
our department, will be somewhat emptier without him, but I hope that Jack will come to visit often and lift our spirits so that the organization can continue to excel as it has while he was here.
Jack, in closing, I would like to wish you all the very best on behalf
of all of us. I must quote from the back cover of How to Retire Happy,
Wild, and Free: "Retirement is the beginning of life — not the end!" We all know that the best part of your life is just beginning. Just the same, we
are counting on you to occasionally cancel some of the many golf games that you
have planned and come visit us instead.
Sample Free Retirement Speech #2
To Be Given By a Retiring Employee
Thank you, Eric, for those kind words, in making your retirement speech in my honor. Also, thank you so much to everyone here for attending
and for the wonderful retirement gift of the fine set of golf clubs.
I am glad that it wasn't the proverbial gold watch. Someone once said,
"When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance,
his colleagues generally present him with a watch."
Still more in the way of thanks, Eric, thank you for the copy of How
to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free, which I don't have. I am looking
forward to reading it. I should mention, that as a hard of a worker
as I was, I did buy and read the author's earlier book called The
Joy of Not Working. This was about three years ago when I was contemplating
retirement.
You may have noticed that was about the time when I stopped working
ten or twelve hours a day and started working only eight hours a day
or less and taking a lot more vacation time. This was practice for
my retirement years. Actually, Zelinski's earlier book showed me how
to work fewer hours and to be just as productive — but that is another
story.
I do want to express my gratitude for some of the things that make this company so special — not only the financial success we have had, but the great people who work here and have shared in the fun and laughter that all of us have experienced over the years. I am certain that this atmosphere will continue long after I am gone.
I have just one final point to make. I feel that early retirement
is an incredible gift. It's a gift that everyone should give themselves if they can. That is why I am retiring at 55 instead of 65. I am suggesting
that each one of you do the same.
I read somewhere that retirement is when you stop living at work and
begin working at living. I intend to do my utmost in following the
adage that Eric quoted: "Retirement is the beginning of life — not
the end!" I know, however, that regardless of how much I enjoy retirement,
that I will miss everyone in this organization. That is why I intend
to come and visit often — including the annual company golf tournament
when I intend to put these great golf clubs to use and finally beat
Eric at this game.
Sample Free Retirement Speech #3
I am closing my 52 years of military service. When I joined the army,
even before the turn of the century, it was the fulfillment of all
my boyish hopes and dreams.
The world has turned over many times since I took the oath on the
plain at West Point, and the hopes and dreams have long since vanished,
but I still remember the refrain of one of the most barracks ballads
of that day which proclaimed most proudly that old soldiers never
die; they just fade away.
And like the old soldier of that ballad, I now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty. Goodbye.
— General Douglas MacArthur, in a retirement speech to a joint session of the U.S. Congress
Sample Free Retirement Speech #4
of Several Retirement Speech Examples
I am going back to Yazoo City and to my old home on a rural free-delivery route. I want to get up again each morning as I hear the roosters
crow. I want to pick flowers while the dew is still on them. Then,
I want to come back and have my coffee and breakfast. Later on, if
I am so fortunate as to have any left in these days, I want to stir
myself a toddy whenever I feel that I would like one.
Through the middle of the day I will read books, putter around the
place, and talk to my neighbors. At noon I will leisurely eat my dinner. After dinner I will read some more, and then late in the evening,
I will eat supper—and notice that I call it supper, this last meal
of the day. That is what we call it in Mississippi.
And as night and the time for bed approaches, I will listen to the
greatest chorus of voices that man ever heard, music that will charm me and make me ready for repose—the voices of my mocking birds, trilling from the trees. In that way I want to live the rest of my life. And when the end comes, I hope to be carried out of the house by my neighbors
and laid to rest among my people.
Now some may say that it is not a very wonderful future — all of this I have mapped out for myself — but I say there is merit in calm retirement.
Right now I feel that it is more a real life than being a Senator
of the United States who serves his people by joining in the petty
squabbles that occupy so much time of the Senate today. I may have grown cynical from long service, but this is a tendency I do not like, and I sometimes think I’d rather be a dog and bay at the moon than stay in the Senate another six years and listen to it.
Perhaps it is a sign that I ought to retire. For retirement brings
repose, and repose allows a kindly judgment of all things. As for
me, it [retirement] shall also mean a calm in which to make peace
with myself and a season to spend in the quiet of my home and in the friendship of my neighbors.
— Senator John Sharp Williams, farewell retirement speech to his friends, at a retirement dinner organized by the Mississippi Society of Washington, D.C., honoring him shortly before his retirement from the Senate on March 4, 1923.
Key Point for Making Retirement Speeches
Keep Your Retirement Speech Simple and Short Given That:
- The Lord's Prayer contains 56 words.
- The Gettysburg Address contains 272 words.
- The Ten Commandments contains 297 words.
- The USA Declaration of Independence contains 300 words.
The average USA TODAY cover story contains 1,200 words.
Tips for Making Spontaneous, Humorous Retirement Speeches
A good retirement speech will express best wishes of co-workers, friends, and acquaintances and at the same time mention the accomplishments and great character of the retiring person, before ending with a toast to the retiree.
Here are more tips for making retirement speeches.
- Don't get unnerved.
- Take a few deep breaths.
- Compose self-thoughts.
- Stick to one subject.
- Close firmly and don't ramble on.
A Retirement Joke to Add to Retirement Speeches Made by Co-Employees)
In your 40 years with this company, Eric, you have used up two truck loads of paper, sent out 1,600 reports, used up 1,800 pens and pencils, and, of course, told at least 10,000 jokes to lighten up the day for your co-workers. How much money you have made for the organization is in doubt, however.
A Corny Retirement Poem to Add to Humorous Retirement Speeches
A light-hearted retirement poem can lighten the atmosphere and add a finishing touch to retirement speeches made by a co-worker for a retiring employee.
Here is a sample of a corny retirement poem to add to your free retirement speech.:
Bill Hagen, work is now past you
Allow me these words to say
You are now free as a bird,
Today is your retirement day
A Serious Retirement Poem for Retirement Dinner Speeches Made by the Retiree's Co-Employees)
Here is a sample of a serious retirement poem to use in retirement speeches:
May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
— Irish Retirement Blessing
A Request to Make a Speech
This is an e-mail that the author of The World's Best Retirement Book recently received about the possibility of making a speech to a number of financial planners:
Dear Mr. Zelinski,
At our financial organization, you are regarded as somewhat of a celebrity. All of our Representatives have read your book, How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. We now make it a practice to give this book out to our clients on every financial planning appointment.
We would love the opportunity to speak with you about a speaking engagement at our fall conferencein Dallas, TX. The dates for this conference are September 17 & 18, 2008.
We would like to discuss what it would take to get you to our conference, what type of presentation you would like to do and the logistics involved.
Our President of Field Operations would like the opportunity to contact you directly to discuss this possibility. Please let me know how we may contact you.
This e-mail, in fact, came from Nettworth Financial which has now purchased over 1,500 copies of the international bestseller How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free by Ernie Zelinski for its sales reprentatives and clients.
Although this speech has yet not been confirmend, international bestselling author Ernie Zelinski will be speaking about The Joy of Not Working in Istanbul on November 26 to 3,000 executives of the National Turkish Congress on Quality.
Top Ten Humorous Quotes for
Making Retirement Dinner Speeches
Humor is a valuable tool in speech making. Good humor relaxes an audience and makes it feel more comfortable with you as the speaker. What's more, humor can bring attention to the point you are making. A good way to implement humor in retirement dinner speeches is to use humorous quotes about retirement.
#1 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
Retirement can be the best job you have ever had.
— George Fulmore
#2 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the best work I was best suited for was retirement.
— Unknown wise person
#3 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
Retirement: World's longest coffee break.
— Unknown wise person
#4 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.
— Vince McMahon
#5 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time
without spending money.
— Unknown wise person
#6 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speaches
Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
— Gene Perret
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27 Tips for Making Your Retirement Speech
"There are always three speeches," stated Dale Carnegie, "for every one you actually gave. The one you practiced, the one you gave, and the one you wish you gave." Following you will find 27 more quotations about speeches that are great tips for enhancing and delivering your free retirement speech.
Tip #1 for Making a Retirement Speech
Once you get people laughing, they're listening and you can tell them almost anything.
— Herb Gardner
Tip #2 for Making a Retirement Speech
Be sure your brain is in gear before engaging your mouth.
— Unknown wise person
Tip #3 for Making Retirement Speeches
I would tell myself that I was about to address the largest mass assembly
of idiots ever gathered in the history of mankind.
— Winston Churchill (when asked how he was able to make the great
speeches that he made as Prime Minister of Britain)
Tip #4 for Making a Free Retirement Speech
There is but one pleasure in life equal to that of being called on to make an after-dinner speech, and that is not being called to make
one.
— Charles Dudley Warner
Tip #5 for Making a Retirement Speech
Most people can tire of a lecture in ten minutes; clever people can do it in five. Sensible people never go to lectures at all.
— Stephen Leacock
Tip #6 for Making Retirement Speeches
Few sinners are saved after the first 20 minutes of a sermon.
— Mark Twain
Tip #7 for Presenting a Free Retirement Speech
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again — a tremendous whack!
— Winston Churchill (advice to a young Prince of Wales on speechmaking)
Tip #8 for Making Retirement Speeches
Most people have ears, but few have judgment; tickle those ears, and depend upon it you will catch their judgments, such as they are.
— Lord Chesterfield (1694-1773)
Tip #9 for Making Retirement Speeches
The best way to sound like you know what you're talking about is to
know what you're talking about.
— Unknown wise person
Tip 10 for Retirement Dinner Speeches
When making a retirement speech in honor of someone who is retiring at your organization, buy him or her either a copy of The Joy of Not Working or How to Retire, Happy, Wild, and Free as a retirement gift. The title of either book alone will spice up your retirement speech and bring a smile to every face in the audience.
— Ernie Zelinski
Tip #11 for Making Retirement Speeches
Never be grandiloquent when you want to drive home a searching truth. Don't whip with a switch that has the leaves on, if you want it to tingle.
— Henry Ward Beecher
Tip #12 for Making Retirement Speeches
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
— Mark Twain
Tip #13 for Making Retirement Speeches
Be sincere; be brief; be seated.
— Franklin D. Roosevelt (talking about making a great speech)
Tip #14 for Making Retirement
Dinner Speeches
A speech is poetry: cadence, rhythm, imagery, sweep! A speech reminds
us that words, like children, have the power to make dance the dullest beanbag of a heart.
— Peggy Noonan
Tip #15 for Making Retirement Speeches
Always be shorter than anybody dared to hope.
— Lord Reading, on speechmaking
Tip #16 for Making Retirement Speeches
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
— Will Rogers
Tip #17 for Making Retirement Dinner Speeches
The problem with speeches isn't so much not knowing when to stop,
as knowing when not to begin.
— Frances Rodman
Tip #18 for Making Retirement Speeches
Speeches are like babies; easy to conceive but hard to deliver.
— Unknown wise person
Tip #19 for Making Retirement Dinner Speeches
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
— Groucho Marx
Tip #20 for Making Retirement Speeches
If you haven't struck oil in five minutes, stop being boring.
— George Jessel, on after-dinner speakers
Tip #21 for Making a Free Retirement Speech
When both a speaker and an audience are confused, the [retirement] speech is profound.
— Oscar Wilde
Tip #22 for Making Retirement Speeches
Eloquence: saying the proper thing and stopping.
— Francois de la Rochefoucauld
Tip #23 for Presenting a Free Retirement Speech
The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.
— Alben W. Bartley
Tip #24 for Making a Free Retirement Speach
It isn't HOW MUCH you say, but WHAT you say, HOW you say it and WHEN
you say it.
— Unknown wise person
Tip #25 for Making a Retirement Speech
Words must be weighed, not counted.
— Unknown wise person
Tip #26 for Making Retirement Dinner Speeches
The ability to express an idea is well nigh as important as the idea itself.
— Bernard Baruch
Tip #27 for Making Retirement Speeches
Never speak more clearly than you think.
— Jeremy Bernstein
WARNING! WARNING!
Give this some serious consideration before you finalize and present your retirement speech:
What you don't know about what makes people happy after they make their retirement dinner speeches can hurt you.
Retirement is a double-edged sword. You either make it work for you - or it will cut your happiness in half. The more you know about the secrets to a successful retirement, the happier you will be once you retire.
That's why you need:
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Top Ten Humorous Quotes for
Making Your Retirement Speech
(Continued)
#7 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
Retirement takes all the meaning out of weekends.
— Unknown wise person
#8 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working.
#9 of Top-Ten Humorous Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
Growing old is compulsory. Retirement from work is discretionary.
— Unknown wise person
#10 of Top-Ten Retirement Quotes to
Use in Humorous Retirement Speeches
Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it.
— Unknown wise person
In short, quotations about retirement can add a lot of humor and body to retirement speeches. Go to the home page on this website and you will find hundreds of quotations ideal for retirement speeches to help make them more humorous and spicy for your audience.
COMING SOON TO:
The Retirement Speeches Café
- More Retirement Speeches
- More Tips on How to Make a Retirement Speech
- More Retirement Quotes and Retirement Sayings to Add to Retirement Speeches
- Retirement Dinner Speeches for Teachers
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