FUNNY RETIREMENT
QUOTES
AT THE RETIREMENT QUOTES
CAFÉ
(A Comprehensive Collection of Funny Retirement Quotes and Funny Retirement Sayings for Women and
Men That You Can Use for Retirement Speeches, Retirement Parties, and Retirement Cards)
Funny Retirement Quotes and Retirement Sayings to
Help
You Laugh a Little Each Day
Two of the most satisfying times at work are thinking about retirement and quitting time.
Once you retire, however, you need some funny retirement quotes and retirement jokes to keep up your spirits and
ensure that you are retiring happy. You may also need the most
important reasons to retire early.
365 REASONS WHY RETIREMENT ROCKS
— AND WORK SUCKS!
Purchase The Joy of Being Retired on Amazon.com.
Purchase The Joy of Being Retired on Amazon.ca.
First Top-Ten List of Funny Retirement
Quotes
#1 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Funny Retirement Quotes
Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at
it.
— Gene Perret
#2 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
As long as I get air conditioning in my cardboard box, I'll be OK
[in my retirement].
— Barbara Whelehan, Bankrate.com Writer
#3 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
Most people perform essentially meaningless work. When they retire that truth is borne upon
them.
— Brendan Francis
#4 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
Never ask old people how they are if you have anything to do that day.
— Joe Restivo
#5 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
One of the problems of retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems
of retirement.
— Unknown wise person
#6 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
The two most dangerous years of your life are the year you are born and the year you
retire.
— Liz Davidson
#7 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
Don't consider retiring from the corporate world until you have irritated enough people to
make it worthwhile.
— Ernie Zelinski, author of How to
Retire Happy, Wild, and Free.
#8 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
Retirement Age? For Many, It'll Be 80
— headline on Smart Money Website
#9 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
Result for Many Americans When They Plug Their Financial Data into a
Simple Retirement Calculator:
"According to your latest figures, if you retired today, you could live very, very comfortably until 2 p.m.
tomorrow."
— Dave Erhard
#10 Quote of First Top-Ten List of
Funny Retirement Quotes
Like life, retirement can be full of surprises. Take when you retire, for example.
— Talbot Boggs
Second Top-Ten List of Retirement
Quotations
#1 Quote of Second Top-10 List of Funny Retirement
Sayings
The idea is to die young, as late as possible.
— Ashley Montagu
#2 Quote of Second Top-10 List of
Funny Retirement Sayings
My retirement plan is to
find a shopping cart with good snow tires.
— Patty Doyle
#3 Quote of Second Top-10 List of
Funny Retirement Sayings
Happiness is taking early retirement and spending all of my kids' inheritance before I
die!
— Unknown wise person
#4 Quote of Second Top-10 List
of Funny Retirement Sayings
I used to have dreams that I died at my desk.
Now that I've retired, I don't have those dreams anymore.
— Unknown wise person
#5 Quote of Second Top-10 List of
Funny Retirement Sayings
I retired early for health
reasons — my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
— Unknown wise person
#6 Quote of Second Top-10 List of
Funny Retirement Sayings
A happy retirement doesn't require oodles of money, nor should it mean fighting the
cat for food.
— Shelley Fralic, Vancouver Sun
#7 Quote of Second Top-10 List of
Funny Retirement Sayings
He who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement.
— Unknown wise employee
#8 Quote of Second Top-10 List
of Funny Retirement Sayings
Retirement: When you have given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have
anything left that the company can use.
— Author Unknown
#9 Quote of Second Top-10 List of
Funny Retirement Sayings
To some degree, most people worry about retirement. Many worry about not having enough
money. Others worry about having to leave the comfort and community provided by the workplace. Still others
worry about what they are going to do with their time. Of course, excessive worry about retirement can
shorten your life expectancy so much that you need not be concerned about it.
— from How
to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free
Purchase
How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free (The
World's Best Retirement Book) through these direct links:
#10 Quote of Second Top-10 List
of Funny Retirement Sayings
In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.
— Unknown wise person
Funny Retirement Quotes — The Worst
Things
about Retirement
Lord Tyrawley and I have been dead these two years, but we don't choose to have it
known.
— Lord Chesterfield
Retirement? Are you kidding! Only one generation of Americans was ever fortunate enough to
have the luxury of retirement. The rest of Americans will probably die in a Walmart parking lot while on
duty [working in a retirement job].
— Unknown wise person, in response to an online retirement article
Retired: Just have to do what the voices in my wife's head tell me.
— Writing on a Retirement T-Shirt
In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential.
— Mason Cooley
When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to tell the difference.
— Unknown wise person
Like the truth, retirement can set you free.
Or, like work, retirement can imprison you.
— Ernie J. Zelinski, writing in How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free
More Humorous Retirement
Sayings
and Humorous Retirement
Quotes
Ahhh Retirement: Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing
Tomorrow!
— Unknown wise person
You think your job is tough — try trading with
Ernie Zelinski. His job is not working, and he's been doing it successfully for the last 14 years.
— Keiko Ohnuma, Business Writer, Oakland Tribune writing about the book
The
Joy of Not Working and it's
author
Purchase The
Joy of Not Working (The World's Second Best Retirement
Book) through these direct links:
Early to bed and early to rise makes a
person dull, boring, and despised.
— from the book How to Retire Happy, Wild, and
Free
My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with
my money.
— David Letterman
If you won't find what you want to know about having a happy retirement in the Bible, you will find it in
Shakespeare. And if you won't find it in Shakespeare, you will find it in Zelinski's How
to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free.
— Dave Erhard
Retirement: No clock, no deadlines, no
stress, no money!
— Unknown wise person
My fake plants died because I did not
pretend to water them.
— Mitch Hedberg
Last night I stayed up late playing
poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
— Steven Wright
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
— Ella Harris
Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying
around the house.
— Unknown wise person
Funny Retirement Quotes — Paradox of
Retirement
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues
generally present him with a watch.
— R.C. Sherriff
A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement, as its recipients have given up so
many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service.
— Harry Mahtar
Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard.
— Unknown wise person
When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
— Chi Chi Rodriguez
Funny Retirement Quotes — Problems of
Retirement
If you have the time, you won't have the money. If you have the money, you won't have
the time.
— Wolter's Law
The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own
time.
— Unknown wise person
Nothing ever comes out as planned.
— Seay's Law
Rounds of golf and hands of bridge do not a retirement make.
— from Retirement Rocket
No doubt God put me on Earth to make a big difference by doing many remarkable
things for humanity. I have fallen so far behind schedule, however, that I will never retire. In fact, I
will never die at the rate I am going.
— Dave Erhard
The student who secures his coveted leisure and retirement by systematically shirking
any labor necessary to man obtains but an ignoble and unprofitable leisure, defrauding himself of the
experience which alone can make leisure fruitful.
— Henry David Thoreau
Be happy to retire — because you are a long
time dead!
— from How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free by Ernie Zelinski
When you see some people work you wonder what they’ll do in retirement.
— Unknown wise person
NOTE: Also see Teacher Retirement Quotes on The
Retirement Quotes Cafe
Here Is
Great Retirement News for You!
A much happier you and a more satisfying lifestyle are
just around the corner. This is your chance to live the life of retirement that many people miss out
on.
Not 10 years from
now!
N O W
!
Retire too early instead of too late! It
is a mistake to retire too late in life because you don’t get another chance to do it
right!
Retirement is a double-edged
sword. You either make it work for you — or it will
cut your happiness in half. The more you know about the secrets to a successful retirement, the happier
you will be once you retire.
If you have ever longed to have more,
to experience more, to BE MORE in retirement — than you have ever been any other time in your life —
then
How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free gives you all the information you will ever need.
- Over 425,000 Copies Sold for a Reason!
- It's The World's Best Retirement
Book!
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to Purchase on Amazon.com
RETIREMENT QUOTES CAFE WEBSITE COPYRIGHT © 2022
by Ernie J. Zelinski — All Rights Reserved
Author of The World's Best Retirement Book
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