The Retirement Quotes Café

A Comprehensive Collection of Retirement Quotes, Retirement Jokes, Retirement Speeches, Retirement Letters, Retirement Gifts, and Retirement Poems
Selections by Ernie J. Zelinski
Author of How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free
 

 

Retirement Quotes and Retirement Sayings

Hundreds of Retirement Quotes and Retirement Sayings
Placed in Several Categories — Including Three Top-Ten Lists

 

 

Another Free E-book by Ernie J. Zelinski

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Download the Free E-book (in PDF format) with 237 retirement quotes and retirement sayings placed in over 40 categories at the link below:

 

The 237 Best Things Ever Said about Retirement

The Retirement Quotes Café is the ultimate webpage of retirement quotes and retirement sayings, for the retirement-party organizer, human resource specialist, professional speaker, financial writer, journalist, author, and connoisseur of great quotations. These inspirational retirement quotes should add spice to your conversations, remind you humorously of your questionable existence, motivate you to greater accomplishments, or just plainly lighten your day.

Retirement Quotes — Advice on How to Retire Happy

 

Stay busy [when you retire]. If you are going to sit on the couch and watch TV, you are going to die.
— Bill Chavanne

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement.
— Arthur E. Morgan

Don't act your age [in retirement]. Act like the inner young person you have always been.
— J. A. West

Don't simply retire from something; have something to retire to.

— Harry Emerson Fosdick

Retirement Quotes — Advice on Whether to Take Early Retirement

Before deciding to take early retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television.
— Unknown wise person

We have no porch, no rocking chair — and no time. My biggest need is a calendar because there are so many things to do. Now I encourage people to retire — the younger the better.
— Maurice Musholt

Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does.
— Munder's Law

A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
— Walter Gagehot

When is the right age to retire? When you dread going to work.
— Mary Bright

Miscellaneous Retirement Sayings

I feel like early retirement is an incredible gift. It's a gift that everyone should give themselves.
— Unknown wise person

Enjoy every retirement day as if it was your last and one day you will be right about it.
— Unknown wise person

I have retired, un retired, and retired again all in the past 10 years. I find the biggest trouble with having NOTHING to do is . . . you can't tell when you are done.
— Unknown wise person

 

Retirement Sayings and Retirement Quotes — Definitions of Retirement

Retirement, when every day is Saturday!
— Unknown wise person

Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay!
— Unknown wise person

Retirement is a one-way trip to insignificance.
— Mason Cooley

Retirement: Twice the husband, half the money!
— Unknown wise person

Retirement: When you have given so much of yourself to the Company that you don't have anything left that the company can use.
— Unknown wise person

 

Retirement Quotes — Difficulties of Retirement

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.
— Vince Lombardi

To retire is the beginning of death.
— Pablo Casals

Retirement takes all the meaning out of weekends.
— Unknown wise person

As to that leisure evening of life, I must say that I do not want it. I can conceive of no contentment of which toil is not to be the immediate parent.
— Anthony Trollope

 

Humorous Retirement Sayings and Humorous Retirement Quotes

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
— R.C. Sherriff

One of the problems of retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems of retirement.
— Unknown wise person

He who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement.
— Unknown wise person

When you see some people work you wonder what they’ll do in retirement.
— Unknown wise person

RETIREMENT: The time in your life when time is no longer money.
— Unknown wise person

I'm retired — goodbye tension, hello pension!
— Unknown wise person


Retirement Sayings and Retirement Quotes — Definitions of Retirement


Retirement to me does not mean nothing to do but the realization of the decisions I made in the past. That I made in my life.
— Jack Bowman

Retirement . . . is when you stop living at work and begin working at living.
— Unknown wise person

Retirement: The time in your life when time is no longer money.
— Unknown wise person


Retirement Jokes Quotes — Early Retirement

There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.

— Robert Half

I only work every couple of years. I go into retirement between films.
— Paul Hogan

People may live as much retired from the world as they like, but sooner or later they find themselves debtor or creditor to some one.
— Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

I don't really have any career goals at this point. I'm 35 and have no need or plans to ever work again [in retirement].
— Eric Kanowsky (of Santa Barbara, CA, who took early retirement from Software.com in 2000)

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit . . . . retire!
— Groucho Marx

There are an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.

— Peter Drucker

 

Retirement Jokes Quotes — How to Retire

Happy, Wild, and Free

In retirement, I look for days off from my days off.
— Mason Cooley

Sex is Number 1 of my Top 10 joys in retirement. Number 2 is reading How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. I forgot the other 8.
— from Graffiti for the Enlightened Soul

The only way to avoid being miserable [in retirement] is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.
— George Bernard Shaw

We've put more effort into helping folks reach retirement age than into helping them enjoy it.
— Unknown wise person


Retirement Quotes — Mandatory Retirement

Age-based retirement arbitrarily severs productive persons from their livelihood, squanders their talents, scars their health, strains an already overburdened Social Security system, and drives many elderly people into poverty and despair. Ageism is as odious as racism and sexism.
— Norman Vincent Peale

The great thing about show business is that there's no mandatory retirement age.
— Scott Bakula

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.
— George Burns


Retirement Quotes — Men and Women

in Retirement

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.
— Gail Sheehy

In this country . . . men seem to live for action as long as they can and sink into apathy when they retire.
— Charles Francis Adams, Sr.

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
— Ella Harris

 


Retirement Quotes and Retirement Sayings — People Contemplating Retirement

What will I do with myself when I retire? When I quit my job, I do not want to quit living. Can I possibly be of use when retirement day comes, or will I just be taking up space?
— J. A. West

I'm not in retirement. I just don't want to work so much, and I don't get that many offers any more.
— Max von Sydow

He who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement.
— Unknown wise person

When I retire I'm going to spend my evenings by the fireplace going through those boxes. There are things in there that ought to be burned.
— Richard Milhouse Nixon


Funny Retirement Quotes — Paradox of Retirement

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
— R.C. Sherriff

Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard.
— Unknown wise person

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
— Chi Chi Rodriguez

 

Retirement Quotes — People Enjoying Retirement

I like retirement life. It's something to do when no one wants you to work anymore.
— Unknown wise person

Eating's going to be a whole new ball game. I may even have to buy a new pair of trousers.
— Lester Piggott (b. 1935), British champion jockey (On his retirement)

I'm retired — I'm not dead!

— Unknown wise person


Funny Retirement Quotes — Problems of Retirement

If you have the time, you won't have the money. If you have the money, you won't have the time.
— Wolter's Law

Nothing ever comes out as planned.
— Seay's Law

One of the problems of retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems of retirement.
— Unknown wise person

The student who secures his coveted leisure and retirement by systematically shirking any labor necessary to man obtains but an ignoble and unprofitable leisure, defrauding himself of the experience which alone can make leisure fruitful.
— Henry David Thoreau

When you see some people work you wonder what they’ll do in retirement.

— Unknown wise person

 


Retirement Quotes — Having

a Retirement Plan

Heaven, that’s my retirement plan.
— Dwayne (Unknown last name) but Sam Smith's Father-in-Law

Welfare is not a retirement plan.
— from the international bestseller How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free: Retirement Wisdom That You Won't Get from Your Financial Advisor

As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.
— Earl Nightingale

Waiting until your retirement party is too late to start planning your [retirement] portfolio.
— Richard Wastcoat in the Telegraph

 

More Humorous Retirement Sayings and Humorous Retirement Quotes

Ahhh Retirement: Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow!

— Unknown wise person

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
— Ella Harris

Retirement: No clock, no deadlines, no stress, no money!
— Unknown wise person

Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.
— Unknown wise person

Retirement Sayings and Retirement Quotes — The Worst Things about Retirement

The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.
— Unknown wise person

Lord Tyrawley and I have been dead these two years, but we don't choose to have it known.
— Lord Chesterfield

Most people perform essentially meaningless work. When they retire that truth is borne upon them.
— Brendan Francis

When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to tell the difference.
— Unknown wise person

Retirement Quotes — Why Some People Give Up Retirement

For the loot, honey, for the loot.
— Ava Gardner, (On why she came out of retirement to appear on a prime time soap opera.)

She (my ex-wife) wanted me to stop being Evel Knievel. I am who I am. I'm not going to change. I'll settle down the day they put me in a six-foot pine box.
— Retired Stuntman Evel Knievel at 63, considering coming out of retirement

 

 

More Retirement Sayings and Retirement Quotes
in These Categories

 

For More Retirement Sayings and Retirement Quotes
Check Out This Blog:
Best Retirement Quotes Blog

 

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The Best Retirement Book in the World!

 

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Retirement Quotes Image - Cover - How to Retire Happy

Retirement Wisdom That You Won't Get from Your Financial Advisor

  • 9 Dumbest Retirement Moves
  • Why Retiring Too Late Means You Don't Get Another Chance
  • 10 Youthful Activities Never Too Late to Pursue Unless You Are Dead
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  • 17 Secrets to a Happy Retirement
 

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First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

#1 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retire from work, but not from life.
— M. K. Soni


#2 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

The key to retirement is to find joy in the little things.
— Susan Miller


#3 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.
— Unknown wise person


#4 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

I never stopped doing anything [when I retired], I stopped getting paid for it.
— Bill Chavanne


#5 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement is the beginning of life, not the end.
— from the international bestseller How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free


#6 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
— Abe Lemons


#7 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.
— Unknown wise person


#8 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.
— Patty Doyle

 

#9 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
— Workplace graffiti


#10 Quote of First Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
— Abe Lemons

 

The #1 Retirement Book Listed on Amazon.com Out of Over 175,000 Retirement Books Listed!

 

How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free

   

Retirement Quotes Image - Cover - How to Retire Happy

 

  • Over 95,000 Copies Sold
  • Published in 7 Foreign Languages
 

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Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

#1 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

The Republican Party is a friend of Social Security the way Colonel Sanders was a friend of chickens.
— Charles T. Manatt


#2 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
— Jonathan Clements


#3 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left.
— George F. Burns


#4 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
— Gene Perret


#5 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working.
— Unknown wise person


#6 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

If my dreams could all come true paradise/retirement would be — in a little bungalow — somewhere by the sea.
— Unknown wise person


#7 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement has been a discovery of beauty for me. I never had the
time before to notice the beauty of my grandkids, my wife, the tree
outside my very own front door. And, the beauty of time itself.
— Hartman Jule


#8 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

I really stay busy [in retirement]. I often have to cancel my golf games on the weekends to go play in tennis tournaments.
— Richard Davies

 

#9 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

I'm not retiring from life, just a job.
— Unknown wise person


#10 Quote of Second Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it.
— Unknown wise person

 

The Best Retirement Book in the World!

 

How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free

   

Retirement Quotes Image - Cover - How to Retire Happy

Over 95,000 Copies Sold

Published in 7 Foreign Languages

 

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Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

#1 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my
stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.
— Hartman Jule


#2 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Don't wait for retirement to be happy and really start living. Invariably, people who try this find out that they have waited much too long.
— from the best-selling book How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free


#3 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement: World's longest coffee break.
— Unknown wise person


#4 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep
you awake in the afternoon.
— Unknown wise person


#5 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement is a time to make the inner journey and come face to face with your flaws, failures, prejudices, and all the factors that generate thoughts of unhappiness. Retirement is not a time to sleep, but a time to awaken to the beauty of the world around you and the joy that comes when you cast out all the negative elements that cause confusion and turmoil in your mind and allow serenity to prevail.
— Howard Salzman


#6 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Age [along with retirement] appears to be best in four things — old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old
authors to read.
— Francis Bacon


#7 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it.
— Abigail Charleson


#8 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retired — Someone who knows it all and has way too much time on his hands to tell you.
— Unknown wise person

 

#9 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Don't think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire.
— Samuel Johnson


#10 Quote of Third Top-Ten List of Retirement Quotes

Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials — much to live on and much to live for.
— Unknown wise person

Warning!  Warning!  Warning!

What You Don't Know about What Makes for a Happy Retirement May Hurt You

   

Retirement Quotes Image - Cover - How to Retire Happy

 

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Retirement Quotes The Right Time to Retire

Retirement will become evident to me at the time.
— Peter Brock

Sixty-five is the age when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job.
— Unknown wise person

By the age of 65, most of us have accomplished whatever work-related goals we are going to reach. If you haven't done it by then, chances are you aren't going to do it. Take the retirement, take the pension, take the Social Security, and sail off into the sunset.
— Sue Lasky

It's tough to get reallocated when you're the one who's redundant.
— MacDonald's Law

I have made enough faces.
— Greta Garbo (in 1946 refusing ever again to perform)

Don't think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry
that you retire.
— Samuel Johnson

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.
— George Foreman

 

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Retirement Quotes What Is Important in Retirement

In retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential.
— Mason Cooley

But what, it may be asked, are the requisites for a life of retirement?
A man may be weary of the toils and torments of business, and yet
quite unfit for the tranquil retreat. Without literature, friendship,
and religion, retirement is in most cases found to be a dead, flat
level, a barren waste, and a blank. Neither the body nor the soul
can enjoy health and life in a vacuum.
— Richter

Slow down and enjoy life [in retirement]. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast — you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.
— Eddie Cantor

I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.
— Voltaire (in retirement)

 

RETIRE NOW !

Fire Your Boss and Take Control of Your Destiny!

   

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